Rapids of life

I LOVE to "float the river"!
It has been a long time since I have been, but the memories made "floatin'" will last forever!
Load up all your friends and head out I-10......
windows down, hair blowin', music playing....singing and laughing the whole way (there and back, though the memories of the drive home are a bit harder to remember.....Thank goodness the Lord is full of grace!)
Once you arrived you would get your toob (or toobs) rented....I always like the ones with the bottom, that way you didn't scratch up yours.
You get everything unloaded from the car to the toobs and then slowly, very slowly wade into that icy-cold, clear water.
Am I making you wanna go?
Once you and all your friends are in the toobs, you just sit and the water moves you along!
Most everyone has been there before so you know what to expect so you just sit back and enjoy.
Then all of the sudden you hear it.......oh, no...it's the rapids! YEA!
See even if you don't know exactly where the rapids are.....you will know you are getting close because you will hear something different.
Everyone then tries to get together, guarding the "extra" toobs, then whether you are ready or not.....
there you go!
Some friends made it look SO easy and are waiting, some friends flipped out and are trying to keep their clothes on or get their belongings back.....
Some friends standing right there...they grab your arms (or your things) and help you get your footing...then you can regroup and get ready for the next one, hopefully it's not a big one!
It is great!
But can you imagine going by yourself?
How LAME!
Who would you laugh with, who would help you carry your toob or reach out to grab you or help you collect your things?
Life to me is kind of like "floatin the river"!
You go along, water smooth and easy, then here come the rapids.....except most times you can't hear the rushing water.....until it is over your head and your ears are filled with it!
You have friends who maybe have been down that river who might be able to help you along the way or you may have friends to stick their arm out an grab you...help you get your footing so you can continue!
Well, for me that is not the case.
I struggle with loneliness, yes loneliness.
Not sure how that works because I have a home full of kids and a husband who is great (but if it can't be fixed with 2 part Apoxi or paint....HE starts to freak) and I have lots of "friends", but I am still lonely!
You know, having someone to talk to, have coffee with, someone to not agree with me just to make me feel good, but to encourage me even when I don't feel like I can go on or to hold me accountable.
I want that!
I start wondering if maybe I have personality flaw....you know one of "those friends" who suck the life out of you or "a little of you goes a long way" kind of friend!
Gosh I hope I am not one of those......if I am please, PLEASE tell me OR slap me or something.
Maybe I am just having a pity party and I need to take the step....
but who wants to go to a women's function ALONE or call up someone you hardly even know and ask them to coffee? Then what do you say? "I have red hair and will be wearing a purple shirt and black pants!" Because they probably no more remember you than the man in the moon!
Not me!
Maybe I am one of those "Oh, I don't want to bother them" kind of people......I mean who wants to call someone and vomit your problems in their lap?
Like "Hi, this is Kellie, I have red hair, I saw you the other day...yes that was me, with 3 kids who were acting like monkeys! Well....BARF, BARF, SPIT!"
Oh that feels much better! NOT!
I have tried seeking the Lord and leaning on Him, He has proven faithful and sufficient, but dog-goneit', sometimes it is nice to sit in front of a warm body and smiling face!
What's a girl to do??